roses in my heart

Buried in me is this little girl who never quite felt understood, who never quite felt her family really knew her heart..and couldn't understand why not. A couple of weeks ago, this little girl surfaced when I was chatting with some friends at Church about the MAD-hatter tea party coming up there. My mom overheard me being asked to bring any teacups/teapots that I had and commented that I was never really into that kind of stuff...pardon?...was she talking about me? I love everything about tea...teapots, teacups, saucers, fancy tables...I always have! ..I think I started drinking tea when I was Amanda's age.

This week, some more of those feelings resurfaced in the face of something she wanted me to have that was far from who I was. It's a long story, and I don't want to hurt any feelings. I know down deep my family loves me...but, somedays that's the problem...do they love ME or who they believe that I am or who they want me to be. It's a very sad feeling inside to think that the family who has known you all of your life doesn't KNOW you. My husband affirmed who he sees that I am this week and commented on how different I am from my family in many ways. It reminded me of when I was a teenager and actually wondered if I was adopted. I know I wasn't, and my eyebrows alone prove that I was born a Breit-child...but how is it that this huggy-feely child came out of that home? (And how is it that they don't know that is how I am?...huggy-feely!) Les believes that God raised me that way. He went on to explain what he meant by that in such a way that the tears rolled down my face. I was so overwhelmed with tears that I can't string together words here to explain it.

I love my parents and siblings, I do...and I tonight pray for greater understanding...