Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day

Mother's Day comes with mixed emotions for me this year. As many of you know, I had a "different" relationship with my mother growing up...the kind that Hallmark doesn't really make a card for, and as an adult I work to maintain a relationship with my mother, and I do truly love her, but I have come to accept that there are some things that no matter how much I want or need them will just not come from her and that's just that. So when I got married, I longed for my relationship with my mother-in-law to fill in some of those wants and needs that I mentioned earlier, and while I value my relationship with mother-in-law, it just isn't that way. In fact, I find these days that I am generally the one doing a dance to try and meet both my mother's needs. There's a lot to be said for inter-family dynamics, you know (?!), but nevertheless I love both of them.

So I'm sure it would come as no surprise to you that long ago I had vowed to myself to be a different sort of mother to my own children and that I would fulfill those wants and needs I've mentioned in their lives....

...and by God's grace, today I'm blessed to be the mother of an eleven year old daughter that I gave birth to when she was seven. Now giving birth to a seven year old isn't as easy as you might think, but I am her mother by love (just not blood). And I adore her, but there have definitely been some bumps in the road of late and it's been so hard on me to sometimes have to give her what she needs (but doesn't necessarily want)...and there has been some attitude in return, which does not sit well with my heart. Don't get me wrong, Amanda is such a good child, bright, creative and sensitive. And I suppose what we've been going through is completely normal, but it doesn't always feel very good to me. It is tempting at times to give in, but God assures me that she needs a mother not another friend and that her character is worth fighting for...and I just love her too much to settle for anything less.

So, given this all, I come into this Mother's Day a little bit weary. I was teary-eyed through much of the Church service last night, and again several times this morning, but still, God has found a way to pull me from my busy-ness this morning and find some time for me, and it has been good:)

Les headed off to work very early this morning, and since I wasn't sleepy, I asked him if he thought it would be ok if I headed out for a bike-ride around the neighbourhood while Amanda slept. He did, so off I went, without guilt. I explored gardens and parks, found new perenniels I want to plant and felt great in the sunshine and breeze. I did a bit of gardening when I got home and admired the blooms on our ornamental apple tree. Then I sat on the deck with my coffee and flipped through a magazine (an actual magazine?!...don't know when I last did that...cover to cover, even!) until Amanda got up. I had her come out on the deck with me for her breakfast and listened to her dreams from last night. When she headed off to watch a program, I made a cake for small group tomorrow night, but kept being tempted to head back out into the sun, so I took a cup of tea, a scone and a book I've been meaning to look at for more than a year and went back out onto the deck. The songs of the birds really struck me... You know birds never wake up and decide not to sing for a day...they never decide to just pull down the shades and stay in their nest...they sing every day. All the sights and scents I experienced this morning on my bike ride and in the yard just made me so thankful to God for His love and creation, and I remembered something that Graham Kendrick once said... He said that all of creation was made to worship the Creator, but only we were given a voice to give it words... So here's a song about that...Happy Mother's Day!

Creation's King (sheet music is

All creation is a song
Waiting to be sung
All of nature like a prayer
Waiting for a tongue
For who will give it voice
And make its anthem ring
Or rise to lead a choir
Of all created things?
Lord hear your people sing

Blessing honour glory power
To Creations' King
Songs of earth and songs of heaven
Join as one to bring
Blessing honour glory power
To Creations' King

All the nations are a song
Waiting to be sung
Every instrument and voice
Created for the One
The Maker of all things
The Majesty above
Who bought us back from death
With such a costly love
What praise could be enough?

Paul Baloche & Graham Kendrick
Copyright © 2005 Integrity's Hosanna! Music 1000 Cody Road, Mobile, AL 36695 and Make Way Music, PO Box 263, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 5AP, UK.
All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission


Carmen said...

I'm sorry you have difficult relationships with your "moms", but I think you'll be better off making the effort that you're making. And you can break the circle!

Thanks for the visit.

Overwhelmed! said...

You'll notice that I didn't really write much about my blog on Mother's Day. It's because I have a non-Hallmark relationship with my mother as well. In fact, I have a tough time even picking out a Mother's Day card for her because they're all too mushy and don't fit the bill. I love her, but we're not close.

I find being a mother to Snuggle Bug is quite healing. So far, I'm able to be the kind of mother to him that I always wanted my mom to be.

I hope that you find healing as you parent Amanda.

eph2810 said...

You are saying that you are a mother by love and not by blood with Amanda. That is wonderful.
To tell you the truth, I am also blood 'related' to our son, but that doesn't mean we hadn't had any difficulties. Amanda is 13 and that is a very hard age of a kid (till about 18/19). Hormones are raging, the kids don't know what is happening to them.
But, believe blood or not, you will make it through. You have your heart in the right place, let God do the rest.:)